[1] When women kiss it always reminds one of prize fighters shaking hands.
[2] If you're being run out of town, get in front of the crowd and make it look like a parade.
[3] From a wedding announcement in the Arlington, Texas, STAR-TELEGRAM:"The bride was given away by her father wearing her mother's veil."
[4] From a legal notice: "The case is now before the court and is awaitinga herring."
[5] Marquee outside a large building-supply store in Utah: "If it's instock, we've got it!"
[6] It is not what teenagers know that bothers parents. It's how they found out.
[7] An emergency on your part does not constitute an emergency on mine.
[8] Don't make your disorganization my emergency.
[9] Responsibility, -- take some -- it builds character.
[10] Pointed remarks are often not the sharpest.
[11] When someone disagrees with you -- it isn't necessary to excuse or justify yourself. Simply accept it and move on!
[12] Myths of Drunks and Idiots: Who ever gets the last word is right -- Who ever yells the loudest is more right.
[13] Don't pet the sweaty stuff and don't sweat the petty stuff.
[14] If you have difficulty laughing at yourself, I'll do it for you.
[15] It's funny until someone gets hurt. Then it's hilarious.
[16] I have always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific as to who.
[17] It is better to have loved and lost, than marry a woman you can't defrost.
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